The Art of Being a Dick

In any given day, certain circumstances can arise in the form of social interactions which require one to evaluate the situation and respond accordingly; the following details a list or measures one may take to ensure that those present will undoubtedly think of said individual as an asshole.

Where ever possible, one must keep his mind on the task of logically contemplating every concept inferred upon him as too respond to the situation in a manner which allows him to obtain the best outcome for himself. If possible, it is always a good idea to keep only ones own interests in mind, failing this, it is likely that he will be thought of as incompetent and will find most social interactions quite disagreeable.

When practicing this art, one must never treat another with dignity or respect, as they will most likely be quite inferior to the practitioner. One must always assume that none deserve what they have, with the exception of the individual; if possible, one should verbally denounce any person who possesses an object that is coveted by him.

Under no circumstance should one ever accept help from an outside source, and, where applicable, he should insult or ignore overt attempts to inflict a kind gesture or deed unto himself. One will find an easier task of becoming callous to any individual by never looking them in the eyes; if possible, never communicate directly to any person regardless of sex, race, creed or sexual orientation.

With these ground rules safely tucked within ones proverbial belt, he will find his friends slowly fading out of his life, which is desirable to him, as a dick has no need for friends. Please note: if you meet one of the people who follow these guidelines, do not give them the benefit of the doubt that they will treat you kindly, for they have no need to treat inferior people with an ounce of dignity. Just remember that you too could be a dick by following these simple strategies in everyday life, and you will find yourself walking through the world with an up-turned nose and sneering jowl in no time at all.